By MALCOLM ANDREWS
IN the words of my favourite poet from Private Eye magazine, EJ Thribb: “So farewell then Semi Radradra Turagasoli Waqavatu …”
For those of you not familiar with the satirical magazine, Thribb writes fictitious obituaries in a unique English doggerel.
It must be pointed out that Semi hasn’t headed for that Great Rugby League Pitch in the Sky.
But he could well be thinking he has done so, standing forlornly out on the wing for Toulon in the Rah-Rahs with not even a can of Heineken to cheer him up.
For that’s where he will be next year.
He will be paid a King’s Ransom … or should we say Emperor’s Ransom … to twiddle his thumbs at the Stade Mayole in the Mediterranean port city.
Semi was offered $500,000 to stay with the Parramatta Eels.
But as the Eels’ boss Bernie Gurr explained: “The offer from Toulon was substantially higher than our club’s offer.”
Insiders suggest around $1 million a year.
But Parramatta will demand he finish his contract which runs until November, and that will mean he won’t be able to start banking the dosh until the Northern Hemisphere Rah-Rah season is well under way. (continued below)
Two months of doing nothing!
We would hope the Eels will go one step further and make sure he spends the entire season with Wentworthville Magpies, Parramatta’s feeder club in the NSW Cup.
Well, if Wenty was good enough for Welsh legend Lewis Jones in the 1960s it should be good enough for Semi Radradra now.
My colleague Steve Mascord puts it so well when he points to the fact that clubs represent communities, players are role models and everyone has to champion a certain set of values.
Mascord highlighted Semi’s class on the rugby pitch.
However he noted that off it, “we’ve hardly heard from him and all we know about is court appearances and walkout threats”.
Running around with Wenty, he’ll soon be forgotten.
After all, the Eels have a new cult figure to set the fans alight when he zips down the touchline, Bevan French.
The 21-year-old Aboriginal star had a stellar debut season in 2016.
He was first sighted in the Auckland Nines, scoring eight tries, a record for the pre-season tournament.
French made his NRL debut at the end of May and went on to score 19 tries in just 13 appearances, including a hat-trick when the Eels were beaten by eventual Premiers Cronulla Sharks.
Our great game has a habit of finding ready-made replacements for those who chase the cash elsewhere, while telling us it is all about the so-called challenge.
When Israel Folau departed the Melbourne Storm for the Brisbane Broncos, before his dalliance in Aussie rules football and the Rah-Rahs, Greg Inglis stepped up and the following year won the Golden Boot as the best player in the world.
Last year another wonderful winger Marika Koroibete told the Storm he was going to defect (to rugby union in Melbourne).
No worries!
Suddenly in April another Fijian flyer Suliasi Vunivalu appeared on the scene.
In 21 appearances he touched down for 23 tries, equal with Canberra’s Jordan Rapana as the most by any player in the NRL (although the latter played six more games).
It was a Premiership record for a debut season topping the previous best of 21 by Folau in 2007.
Vunivalu also managed to average some 110 metres in each of his outings in 2016.
And in this upcoming season Vunivalu will be joined on the opposite wing by another exciting young star, Josh Addo-Carr, who averaged almost 120 metres in each of nine appearances last season.
FASHION NOTE: We cannot help ourselves as we conclude by looking back to our schooldays in Sam Williams’ home town of Cooma when the only thing we learned from French teacher Miss Nipress were a few corny jokes. As EJ Thribb may well note about the shorts Semi will wear at the Stade Mayole: “They’ll be Toulon and Toulouse.” Boom, boom!
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